Blogwurst: May 2012

Hello again friends, sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written. It’s shameless really, and I don’t have very good reasons, so I won’t bore you with excuses. Since my last post, I have written, submitted and defended my thesis, and received my degree. I am now Amy Ewen, MASTER. I’ll be perfectly honest in saying that I don’t feel much different, except that I am less sure of what to do with my days, but presumably that will change in time.

Also since my last update, I have said goodbye to the wonderful city of Kassel and my extraordinary friends there. After almost two and a half years there, I felt so at home, and leaving was difficult. In the last weeks I tried to hold onto every experience and place and feeling, because I was really reluctant to leave. Leaving Kassel represented the end of a very special period in my life, and while I know it couldn’t last forever, it was a time that changed me, my perspectives and my future. I still miss it, but as the old saying goes, every new beginning comes from sniffling and moaning over the end of something else.

I went back to the US to unpack the physical and emotional remnants of my Kasselarian life, and begin preparing for the next chapter of my life. Several months ago, Eduardo and I decided that we had a few options after finishing our program: we could stay in Germany, move to the US, or move to Chile. There are limitless other options of course, but realistically we had these three. We discussed our expectations, our hopes and our possibilities and decided that moving to Chile was what we wanted to do. So, when Eduardo left Germany he flew straight to Santiago. I spent the month in Providence packing, preparing, trying to make friends at the Chilean consulate in New York, and generally enjoying being with family and friends. It wasn’t “real life”, but it sure was a nice break.

In the middle of April, I finished packing as best I could and said goodbye, yet again, to a place I felt at home. In case it isn’t obvious, I am sometimes exhausted by constantly saying goodbye. Again, I wouldn’t change the life I have chosen, but I am an emotional person, and I get attached to places. Leaving is hard and sometimes I desperately feel like I need to bring a piece of each place with me, like some sort of talisman, or security blanket. This is particularly true when I am moving to a place I have never been and have no sense of. Santiago, Chile is the ultimate “new” place for me, as I had never been to South America, and don’t speak Spanish yet. Before leaving for Chile I was excited to start this new chapter in my life, but also pretty nervous.

I have now been here for a little over three weeks, and I’m happy to report that I’m not nervous anymore. I’m still adjusting, and the learning curve is steeper than it was in Germany, but I’m starting to feel at home. A major reason is that I’ve started taking Spanish classes, and I finally feel as though I can fend for myself a little bit. I never studied Spanish, and while I know some words and phrases, I never learned any grammar and I couldn’t form a sentence if you paid me. This meant that in the beginning, I was entirely reliant on Eduardo. I knew this, because apart from the language issue, he is the local and I’m the foreigner. If we were moving to his home town in Idaho, I would probably still need some assistance. However, even though I expected this, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t difficult. I’m independent and a bit stubborn sometimes, and feeling like a complete invalid didn’t sit well with me. I mean, I couldn’t even buy bread alone!

Now, two weeks into my two months of Spanish classes, I’m more confident and self-reliant. I have felt like I am making good progress, because once I started learning conjugation and sentence structure I progressed quickly. Surprisingly, my knowledge of German has helped quite at bit, although it isn’t actually German that is helpful, but having gone through the process of learning German. Last week we were learning direct object and indirect object pronouns, and it wasn’t really clicking in my head, but then my teacher mentioned that what we were learning was the same as the Dativ and Akkusativ cases in German, and bam. I got it. If she had told me the equivalent rules of English, it wouldn’t have helped because I didn’t learn English by learning rules; I acquired it as my native language. When we learned “gerundio” in Spanish, she said that it was like the “gerund” in English. This means nothing to me.

I realized that I was doing fairly well this past weekend, when Eduardo and I went to a baby shower for some friends. There were a lot of people who I hadn’t met before, and while some spoke English, many spoke to me in Spanish and I was able to respond. It was lucky that they all asked the same questions, so I could repeat myself over and over. A big benchmark for me was talking to some of the people I had met previously. One of the people who was there was Eduardo's friend's Vivi who I had met in Italy last May. At the time she seemed very nice, but we couldn't say a word to each other because she doesn't speak English and I didn't speak Spanish. But at the baby shower, we talked for a little while, slowly and sort of like Tarzan, and it was like a door had opened. Finally I could express myself to her and I could get a better sense of her personality. (I was right, she is really nice.) She (and others) kept saying how impressive it was that I had only had two weeks of Spanish, which gave me a little confidence boost. She said that we should try to be language partners, which is an excellent idea. It's so intimidating talking to a native speaker in their language, and that makes me nervous sometimes. But as soon as you are both trying in the other's language, it's like the playing field is leveled and it gets a little easier. Vivi and her husband had just gotten back from their honeymoon, so I asked how it was. She said they had gone to Cuba and Jamaica, so I asked which was better, but I asked slowly because I'm still at the point where I have to think in English and translate in my head. I felt stupid, but then I imagined a non-English speaker asking me "which was better?" in the same slow, thinking manner, and I thought, "Oh, that doesn't sound stupid. It sounds like someone who is learning a language." Ta-da!

Apart from the obvious language learning, being in school has other benefits as well. I now have a schedule and a reason to get up on time in the morning, which gives me motivation for the rest of the day. (This is probably why I have been motivated to write this blog post!) Additionally, I am meeting new people from all over the world. Many speak English, but there are a lot of Germans as well, so I can continue practicing at least a little bit. It’s nice to make some new friends, even if they are only temporary, because we are all in the same boat: foreigners in a new place trying to figure things out. I’m sure there will be times that I am overwhelmed by this new chapter of my life, but that’s what makes it interesting, I guess. No matter where you live or what you do, you’re always just trying to figure things out.

I promise to do my best to update more regularly, especially when I visit a new place or encounter something new and exciting. For now I will share just a few photos of Santiago, although I'm sure there will be more. Until next time, Buena suerte!